CUTTING MY HAIR FOR PAIGE

so after watching my best friend during her recovery and how strong she is and how truly amazing she is I decided I it was time to shave my head. when I first found out at the hospital she was goanna be bald I knew I had to shave my head so she wouldn't have to go through that alone, because yes hair is just a silly thing but to a girl it can not only make or break a outfit its something girls have it! I knew I didn't want my best friend to go through that alone so I was goanna do it then I began to get nervous and bounce between doing it and not doing it, then after Paige's benefit I seen how strong Paige was and how her not having hair made no difference to her, yeah she complains about being "ugly" (which is far from the truth) or how she whines about missing her hair but it didn't stop her from recovering or finding a guy who treats her right, it didn't change her personality or anything and I seen how wonderful my best friend is so I shaved it to be just like her. not so she wouldn't go through this alone so I can rep how strong my friend really is! Because she is truly is amazing! if I would of lost her I have no idea what I would of done!

i just want hot heavy sex

so I have always been a tad bit boy crazy.. I will own up to that, yet however I never seem to keep them around for longer then a month. Chleo, the guy from the party, he is cool I guess. the only reason I stick around is cause he friend is the shit! He is so funny! kind of reminds me of the goons so I stay around plus the sex is fun! its nothing like jimmy where my inner freak can show but defiantly fun! I don't really like fucking in the car though, like it feels so highschoolish and I am not with all that.. I guess I am just not that into him... go figure right! I mean at first I thought he was the sexiest thing I've seen in a long time but after I found out he asked JESSICA FOE FUCKING PICTUIRES!!!! I wasn't that into him.. like EW downgrade boo! she is a THOT... on the cool I feel bad because I am just using him till Dayshawn realizes we are made for each other.. every time I grow the courage to tell him; he does something that makes me rethink everything.. like when he KISSED TESSA!! I could of killed both of them! I mean Tessa knows how I feel about him. like its not just sex with him like with jimmy I only really liked him because the sex was AMAZING.. Dayshawn is a quickie which sucks ass.. and he really doesn't do anything that is just over the top its just like when you first have sex and its awkward and sticky.. but I can relate to him. We have real conversation about life and our dreams.. not just oh you smoke weed too cool! The only thing with Dayshawn is he is a little rude to me. I don't know if I am taking it personal but damn boy take is easy I have feeling to.. I know I am a bitch but damn! He gives me such mixed Signals its uncool ; like he`ll tell me I am ugly, or he will talk about all the girls he is fucking and it drives me crazy, because in the same hour he will tell me if I "matured" he would be with me.. Err UMMM I am sorry MATURED.. I find myself very mature for my age.. I mean yeah since my mom has cancer I have been doing some immature things but hey! my mom told me to! When he is drunk and he just holds me in his arm while he sleeps.. like I just want to be there forever.. or when he talks about all his dreams and goals for life I just want to sit there a listen to him talk. I know he is really young and all that but I cant help how I feel. at first it was just about me fucking him and then when he became a goon I started to really care about him and when he walked from Brent's to my mommas... I never drove from Columbus to La Grange so fast in my life.. I didn't think my mommas car could go 120 that fast.. and well I didn't want to have sex with him because I still was like this kitty is Chleo but I swear I tried not to.. but it always happens and he just kept whispering my name in my ear and I couldn't help but just throw everything I had at him, one of the many problems with fucking Dayshawn...not only is it only goanna be like 2 minutes on a good day is he is always wanting a baby and I just cant do that.. all I want is HOT and heavy sex that brings the inner freak in me out and haves my legs shaking... I think if I just work on Dayshawn a little longer it will happen. But Chleo like looks like he would be a freak but like sex with him is fun...but its like boring to, its the same thing every time.. I just need me another jimmy but with Dayshawn! that would be perfect! because I like sex, I like dressing up and fooling around and kinky shit but I haven't found no one like that but jimmy but I HATE jimmy I just love fucking him! wooooah I sounded kind of hoeish! oh well! I really need to grow a pair and sit Dayshawn down and be like look NO MORE sex until we are either together or not! and if not then no more! I cant do this head game no more... like with any other guy I've fucked its been just that just sex no feelings just sex! but with Dayshawn after we have sex I feel like that was a special 2 minutes.. like we shared that. that was the closest we've been! EVER! but I don't think he thinks that.. like right after we fuck and he is holding me it like different but with anyone else I don't want you to touch me and like if me and Chleo fuck I am waiting to go home like okay we are done here time to bounce! peace out hit me up in a couple days I guess! but with Dayshawn I am just like don't leave stay here and hold me and kiss me forehead like you do and just stay! I wish I could go back to that.. but I am just like ugh! oh and I DONT fuck Chleo and Dayshawn at the same time.. since I've been fooling with Chleo I haven't with Dayshawn...just once!
I wish I could just tell Dayshawn how he makes me feel. Like I swear to god I've never felt this way. he is a really good friend and I don't want to mess that up but I like him a lot! GAWD THIS SUCKS!


xoxo
princess t

well that when well,,

so bike shop guy came to get the dog today and gahhh he was absoutly stunning swear, like a mix of a biker an sufer kinda dude. i mut admit i think i was drowling when he grabed the dog. however the exagnege didnt go at all the way i planned. i had this like pizza deliveray man senaroe plaing in m head and that was the excat oppestie of what had happened. he kinda graped the dog then just said thanks and akwardly walked away. i was crushed!! he had some girl in the driver seat i mean a guy like him theres no way i was the apple to his eye. lol. i am happy the dog found a happy home, i loved the dog dont get me wrong but i dont have m own plce for an animal just yet so as an animal cop in traing lol i can make that animal go through that..well acatualy i know sammy would take amazing care of him but she is about to have a baby and the puppy was to rough for jaxon`s taste so she didnt have much time to play with him like he needed. today was pretty plain i mean nothing aweully gand happened toda, sammy tod her mom the news about the new baby, kelsey came over, the dog found a home and that pretty much sums the day. however this is going to make me sound like a total girly girl but the highlight of the day was finding this super pink nail polish called tip yur waitress is in the hollween colletion from cvs i seen it and feel in love instanly! addie and i are going to the bke shop tomorrow to add a front break to levis bike. i hope its not akward with the bike shop guy, oh well i love the bike shop though.. its pretty amazing, not going to lie about that. plus m fantise is in there like this rocker fall out boy looking guy and then the goddes work there and i stood in the middle gahhh! yet knowing me and how akward i can be i just rammbled and totally ruined  that. gosh i am so strange i swear. the akwardness level i have is leithal... it is horrid lol
xoxo
princess t

i dont ant this or do i

well she is having a baby! i happy i really am happy for her, however i have the babies room, and thats bothering me. i feel like they have thier fmily so i am bothering them. i need to get a second job and save my ass off so i n get a car and my own place.. i understand sammy is trying to give me mermores and elcome me to her family and thats awseome and i am so greatfull but cant shake the feeling of sadness. i am happy here i really am but this is not me. you cant teach a old dog new trick. family has never been me, like i know how shallow that sounds and i am not going to blame my childhood and my past for the reason i am. blaming my past for my ways are excusses and thats not me..not the real me.. the me that i worked so hard to become. i have refused to sink so that alone shows that i didnt let my past affect me. on to the real reason i am venting via the internet yet again. i feel like being here is putting a damn in to their family, they are adding a new addtion to their family and i have the new baby`s room, i know she has planned everyting, i know she wants the pefect room for her new baby and i am in the room so how can she do that with me here? she now has to rerange her room so she can make room for the baby, i know its a long ways a way but still i am in the way yet again. i feel like i am always in the way.. i am gratefull that they took me in and ae trying to hel me better myself however i have always been the one to better myself i dont want handouts i want to be able to do it on my own. i want to crash and burn get up and know i did it on my own.. yeah the help is wounderful but her heling me is not helping them what so ever..yeah my parents sucked and never showed m how family is supouse to be and most of my family has nothing to do with me becuase of my shtty parents. i am okay with that i am not big on family there just people that we are born in to. why does eberyone make a big deal out of it??i know i am shallow for saying all this but its true. oh well. i keep drifting off on other stupid reasons why i am a insane cry for help. ticking time bomb iff you will. anyways i love sammtha i truly do i am so gratefull..i know i have typed it a billion times already but i do not understand why? why is she trying so hard. i am already done with childhood, why couldnt she let me fall to my face like everyone else has before, why does she care so much.. i do not know ho to react when she does this, this whole caring? i know its not an act or at least i do not think it is. however i am already ggrown, not like in i am to grown for this kinda thing but my child has been over for a while, i am honestly not one to talk about it alot \, its over and i like to leave it at, i understand okay i dont understand what she is doing my nerighbor tried to hel me paint the picture but i am no artist so i didnt get the pictuire clear enough. something about trying to make mermiores for me to have like sitting at the dinner tan\ble and going on family outings., and what not.. yet i am not understanding it.. i dont need for her to stress over making them for me. i have gone this far with out them so she doesnt need to stress over it, she has jaxon and and the bun in the oven to worry about. so why is she trying so hard on me???? and i have been kind confussed but today i was massed confussed. its messing my hea up making me all emotinal and tre\ary eyed and thats not me. i do not let people know i am upset i dont want them to see it..i can not let weekness in and being hurt is something i do not let sh becusse i am use to it. i am indepent and i dont need no one...
xoxo
princess t

i didnt over think

i was right!! he was a no show then lied about getting an email and having to go or do something for english...on a saturday and that he coulndt get out of it and then text me now we are even!!!!!EVEN  FUCK YOU! even i dint do mine on pourpose you preck i am didnt play a head game all damn week and then right till the last second be like sike! i am not mad about being sood up oh no sir dont fattler your self i knew it was coming i just knew it! over thinking my ass i knew it, but houwever to lie about a school project. come on now its fucking saturdy night there is no porfessor emaling his english students about a project or whatever shit thre eithr with their familes or in the middle on an affire so save it/, no text back! strick 1 its all you get! this aint bseball honey. boys are stupid?? maybe theres something wrong with me and not with them, maybe i am the issuse you know? i really just want to ask one them like why, i am not ma or anything i juat want to know why? its stupid i know but theres always a reasson because i know not all guys are the same so there must be me i just dont know what yet. ugh
xoxo
princess t

curently i over thinking

I may over think a lot. However i am usually corccet in my over thinking, such as this weekend i just know that Kiddo is not going to come but maybe i am just over thinking this. i know i over think things such as emotional wise like i over think my emotions and i am pretty sure that has alot to do with my anxiety. which is getting worse and worse by the day but thats something that leads to another  day. Back to the emotional part of over thinking, I over think my emotional. for an example liking someone and then i begin to think what if they don't like me back and i am in the friend zone or rather they are just being nice to be out of pity and i am taking their nice behavior to whole noter level. then i over think it and end up pushing them away and i am a lonely single woman for the st of my life.  so where i am going with this is that this Saturday or today if you will because is damn near 12 and i am not any whrere near ending this. well i am not to sure actually but i am the middle of a deep converstaion with a friend! hold the phone tiffy has made a friend! okay back to the blog. so Kiddo is coming over arond 8ish from victoria and i live in cypress and that like a two hour drive without traffic! so i am not to sure with he is just toying with my emotions because when i went down there to see him i end up playing poker instead and lost track of time and ditched him i felt horrible. so i am pretty sure i am over thinking this but what if he is just saying this so i can be sitting around waiting for him and he can be like oh hhahahahah! eveil man laugh!  so i guess if he is not here by ten i will be blogging about how horrible i am going to fell!  i guess we can only wait and see but its the waiing that makes me have so much to thin which leads to over thinking! i hope i am overthinking this because some male attenion would be lovely. i am deffintly an attenion seeking gal:) 
just to cuddle up would be lovely but i need a makeout seesion, sound sleezy i know but however i want that and if i am not ovethinking and it turns out my trust issuse are real i am going somehow drive to victoria and kick him in the chin!
xoxo
princess t 

People suck!

People suck! The human race is terrible! I hate people! For real I do! I don't understand how they can be so rude to each other! Calling each other sluts and hoes! The rude hateful things being said are just rude! It's horrible and they should be ashamed of themself! Seriously they find the littlest thing to pick and they pick and pick and pick until what? Until someone kills theirselves because of it? This has to stop! Bulling is not funny it's not cool, it's fucking annoying to have to say that we as the human race has become so shallow we pick on others! Wow
Xoxo
Princess t