so I have always been a tad bit boy crazy.. I will own up to that, yet however I never seem to keep them around for longer then a month. Chleo, the guy from the party, he is cool I guess. the only reason I stick around is cause he friend is the shit! He is so funny! kind of reminds me of the goons so I stay around plus the sex is fun! its nothing like jimmy where my inner freak can show but defiantly fun! I don't really like fucking in the car though, like it feels so highschoolish and I am not with all that.. I guess I am just not that into him... go figure right! I mean at first I thought he was the sexiest thing I've seen in a long time but after I found out he asked JESSICA FOE FUCKING PICTUIRES!!!! I wasn't that into him.. like EW downgrade boo! she is a THOT... on the cool I feel bad because I am just using him till Dayshawn realizes we are made for each other.. every time I grow the courage to tell him; he does something that makes me rethink everything.. like when he KISSED TESSA!! I could of killed both of them! I mean Tessa knows how I feel about him. like its not just sex with him like with jimmy I only really liked him because the sex was AMAZING.. Dayshawn is a quickie which sucks ass.. and he really doesn't do anything that is just over the top its just like when you first have sex and its awkward and sticky.. but I can relate to him. We have real conversation about life and our dreams.. not just oh you smoke weed too cool! The only thing with Dayshawn is he is a little rude to me. I don't know if I am taking it personal but damn boy take is easy I have feeling to.. I know I am a bitch but damn! He gives me such mixed Signals its uncool ; like he`ll tell me I am ugly, or he will talk about all the girls he is fucking and it drives me crazy, because in the same hour he will tell me if I "matured" he would be with me.. Err UMMM I am sorry MATURED.. I find myself very mature for my age.. I mean yeah since my mom has cancer I have been doing some immature things but hey! my mom told me to! When he is drunk and he just holds me in his arm while he sleeps.. like I just want to be there forever.. or when he talks about all his dreams and goals for life I just want to sit there a listen to him talk. I know he is really young and all that but I cant help how I feel. at first it was just about me fucking him and then when he became a goon I started to really care about him and when he walked from Brent's to my mommas... I never drove from Columbus to La Grange so fast in my life.. I didn't think my mommas car could go 120 that fast.. and well I didn't want to have sex with him because I still was like this kitty is Chleo but I swear I tried not to.. but it always happens and he just kept whispering my name in my ear and I couldn't help but just throw everything I had at him, one of the many problems with fucking Dayshawn...not only is it only goanna be like 2 minutes on a good day is he is always wanting a baby and I just cant do that.. all I want is HOT and heavy sex that brings the inner freak in me out and haves my legs shaking... I think if I just work on Dayshawn a little longer it will happen. But Chleo like looks like he would be a freak but like sex with him is fun...but its like boring to, its the same thing every time.. I just need me another jimmy but with Dayshawn! that would be perfect! because I like sex, I like dressing up and fooling around and kinky shit but I haven't found no one like that but jimmy but I HATE jimmy I just love fucking him! wooooah I sounded kind of hoeish! oh well! I really need to grow a pair and sit Dayshawn down and be like look NO MORE sex until we are either together or not! and if not then no more! I cant do this head game no more... like with any other guy I've fucked its been just that just sex no feelings just sex! but with Dayshawn after we have sex I feel like that was a special 2 minutes.. like we shared that. that was the closest we've been! EVER! but I don't think he thinks that.. like right after we fuck and he is holding me it like different but with anyone else I don't want you to touch me and like if me and Chleo fuck I am waiting to go home like okay we are done here time to bounce! peace out hit me up in a couple days I guess! but with Dayshawn I am just like don't leave stay here and hold me and kiss me forehead like you do and just stay! I wish I could go back to that.. but I am just like ugh! oh and I DONT fuck Chleo and Dayshawn at the same time.. since I've been fooling with Chleo I haven't with Dayshawn...just once!
I wish I could just tell Dayshawn how he makes me feel. Like I swear to god I've never felt this way. he is a really good friend and I don't want to mess that up but I like him a lot! GAWD THIS SUCKS!
xoxo
princess t
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